


Air Hockey in a God Honoring Way

by Earth-Cv3-Official (Lucipand)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: EarthCv3, Other, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:28:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,052
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27612800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lucipand/pseuds/Earth-Cv3-Official
Summary: a situation wherein the air hockey tournament goes hard af.
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Air Hockey in a God Honoring Way

**Author's Note:**

> warning, poorly written this is just crackfic

This is it. The final showdown. The whole shebang. God, everyone is pumped as _fuck._ Especially June, who is _furious_ at Sollux for being That Fucking Good At Air Hockey. The players settle into position; the finalists Roxy Lalonde and Sollux Captor looking as focused as ever. And by focused, we mean drunk. If we're being honest, everyone is drunk at Bave and Duster's tonight. It be that way sometimes. Regardless, the final match is FT-10, and that means someone is going to have bruises on their fingernails for weeks to come, if they don't already. So, let's get this show on the road.

 _"JUMP HIS RAT ASS, ROXY!!"_ screams June, flavored with a voice crack from the bowels of hell and accompanied by her flailing air fists.

Which was a perfect distraction for Sollux to get the jump on Roxy, leaving the score at 1-0 right out the gate! Dave places another puck in the middle, the air pushing it gradually toward Roxy's side. Dave quickly yoinks his hand back from the experience of it nearly being severed by one of Roxy's prior rage shots and oh fuck oh shit It's Happening. The ungodly sound of acrylic smashing against the thin metal wall of the air hockey court with unimaginable speed and force reverberates in everyone's eardrums, temporarily shattering their ability to think as the puck glides quickly back to Roxy's side. She immediately sends it right back to Sollux's half with equal vigor. This time, though, it's met with a near-equally as punishing reaction from Sollux's striker to protect his nearly-breached goal. For a moment, Calliope contemplates whether her ears are bleeding or not, and then she remembers she doesn't have ears. What is bleeding, though, is Sollux's finger, with a viscous muddy gold hue dripping slowly down his finger from the shredding plastic puck. Whoops!

And so begins a series of mentally destructive clacks and bangs, paired with close-call maiming from puck strikes so forceful they go airborne, all for a chance at scoring a measly point. A single drop of sweat drips down Sollux's thick left sideburn as he _narrowly_ misses the puck, and the score is tied at 1-1. A drunk-slurred cheer mixed with an equally as drunk-slurred boo dominates the atmosphere of the Bave and Duster's. Dave tosses another puck into the ring before ducking immediately beneath the air hockey table in the hopes of avoiding sudden and imminent death. And also to take a hit off of Jade's fat blunt. The raging storm continues, picking up just as quickly as before, striking fear into the hearts of... Actually, everyone! Except the players, who sharpen each other's determination with every soul-piercing clash. Karkat is somewhere else in the Bave and Duster's, playing another arcade game with Kanaya to (hopefully) bring him back to sanity after it was ripped from him in his immediate elimination in the beginning rounds. It's a miracle for the rest of the world that June rented out the venue, or else innocent children might meet a similar fate. 

The room starts getting tense as each player racks up their score. It's 9-8, with a Sollux lead. June is losing her shit on the sidelines, contorting her body into a pose similar to Shia Labeouf telling us to Just. **Do it.** Things aren't looking bright for Roxy; her initial vim and vigor from the start of the match is fading, all the while Sollux just seems to be getting more resilient. Instead, Roxy makes a bold move, conserving her energy and focusing on blocking without direction, slowing down the pace of the game and throwing Sollux off. Mis-approximating the force of his strike, Sollux sends Roxy the puck slowly enough for her to think. She takes her shot, bouncing it off of the wall not once, but _twice_ with a tantalizing display of power! And yet, it isn't enough; Sollux blocks it and strikes in grand retribution! Roxy hardly knocks the puck away from her goal, and just as Sollux is about to deal the finishing blow...

**WHAM!!**

A basketball lands square in the middle of the field, stopping the puck in its tracks and bouncing unceremoniously onto the floor. A unified gasp followed by silence (and distant enraged screaming from Karkat, who has just failed once more to Get the Fucking Ball into the God Damn Hoop) overcomes the room, and among the confusion Roxy takes her chance to strike a goal, tying the game at 9-9. Roxy swallows thickly in her exhaustion, and Sollux's thick sideburns are now damp with nervous sweat. This is it. The Final Showdown of the Final Showdown. Dave places the (alleged) final puck in the rink and backs away. It's dead quiet, as long as you categorize the violent and unwarranted slamming sounds from the table as silence.

 _"Come at me, you ho athh bitch!"_ yells Sollux before Roxy launches the puck to him. As they pass it back and forth, it becomes more and more apparent that Roxy will lose at this rate. But she has a plan. In a state of drunken brilliance, Roxy scales the edge of the table. **If her hands are tired...**

 **She'll use her feet.** Sliding off one of her boots, Roxy applies pressure with the arch in her foot to the striker, and counters just in time. It was like Mad Acrobatics up in this bitch, with the speed she used between hits. With renewed vigor, Roxy sends bulldozing blow after bulldozing blow at Sollux, gradually wearing him down into the final moments of the game. In an attempt to mimic her energy-renewing stunt, Sollux attempts to climb the air hockey table. But things take a turn for the worse, as the brief shift in weight causes the table to tip from Roxy's weight. The sudden movement of a large object proves too much for our energetic and tipsy Egbert, and she projectile vomits all over Sollux as the colossal table falls like the Titanic; almost in slow motion.

Drenched in recycled alcohol and an absolutely atrocious number of sweets, Sollux stands in an A-pose, stunned. Roxy is also stunned, mostly from the fall off of the air hockey table. Everything is truly quiet, save for the sound of Karkat causing property damage to that poor, poor basketball minigame.

**Author's Note:**

> see? yeah, bet you regret reading that shit show


End file.
